After editing two of my writers pieces on Black Women & Dating, and Black Love both inspired responses to Nightline’s Face-Off, Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find A Man. I was inspired to chime in.
First of all, the Face-Off was mis-titled. Black Women don’t have a problem finding men, we have a problem finding Good Men. Let’s make it plain. I’m also not convinced that this is soley a Black Woman’s issue. Seems to me that there are plenty of women of all races & ethnicities with the same damn problem; men who don’t know how to treat a good woman when they have one.
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. So, let me break it down right quick. All any good, balanced, mentally stable, and spiritually healthy Black Woman really wants is:
A man who is intelligent and educated, however he got the way, be it a formal education or self-taught, is not a source of concern for us. On the other hand, the ability to complete a sentence and hold a conversation is. We want a man who will have our back, be faithful, raise his kids, come to the table with some type of financial participation, and lay it down in the bedroom.
Trust me, if a man can provide these things, everything else, I PROMISE you, can be worked out in the wash.
Black Women are beautiful beings. We are awesome when it comes to supporting our men and building a life together that everyone can take pride in. There is so much to love about us that, frankly, if you are too blind to see it, you’re missing out. You are robbing yourself, that’s what you’re doing, robbing yourself of an excellent opportunity to experience a depth of love that is unique to us.
And I’m not discouraging true interracial love. I have plenty of friends who are not partnered with Black Women and I am utterly happy for anybody who can find love in these perilous times. But if your answer to the question of why you are not with a sistah begins with, “Black Women are too…” — (sound of a buzzer) Thank you for playing. NEXT! However Black Women are or aren’t should have absolutely zero relation to why you’re lovin’ who you’re lovin’. Haven’t we learned by now that doing one thing to avoid another rarely works out, whatever it is.
I’ve told you what we want. It’s pretty simple. If these basic qualities are considered too much or unrealistic or too picky or delusional or some type of unusually high standard, well then, just know the Black Race is headed for extinction. We’re moving towards genocide not because of violence but because of self-inflicted, social ignorance. As a good friend of mine (a Black Man, mind you) once said, of the polar bears facing extinction, “If they can’t fuck to save their lives then they deserve to become extinct.”
In this instance, I would replace the word fuck with love. If Black Men can’t find a way to love their women to save their lives…nuff’ said.
